The Earth and the Moon
by CarpeDiana
Summary: Silent musings of a scarred woman. Epilogue is dialogue-based.
1. Musings of a Guardian

**The Earth and the Moon**

* * *

Summary: Silent musings of a scarred woman. Epilogue is dialogue-based.

* * *

It's not that she loves him. Really.

Some people are born to be loved and some aren't. For some people love is a daily occurrence. For some it isn't. He is one to inspire love. She isn't one to fool around with love.

Quietly a woman muses about what she has seen love do to people - the people she is supposed to protect. Cruel, grim and ferocious love. Meant to heal but instead it breaks, deceives, hurts, lies, wounds and kills. And even when it's already died and passed their stolen hearts it still leaves irreparable scars.

The city of women is not a place to wonder about love. She knows that. How many times has she seen women long for a man who never returned their affections? How many times has she seen women crumble in despair after broken promises? How many women has she had to bury because they withered away under stares of silent contempt when her city was still clouded in darkness?

As the Guardian of Yoshiwara it isn't her place to give them hope. It's not like her to promise things she can't live up to. Too many unfulfilled and insincere promises have piled up in the city of women. It is her duty to protect them even when they beg her to let them go to a better place. Not able to give up on them she keeps them alive, but, not able to offer them more than their life is her burden.

And yet.

Yet...

Lazily walking into her life failing miserably in dodging her deadly kunai is just the kind of person he is. There are times when she catches herself unconsciously wondering how many times he has saved people like that before he reached out to her.

Sometimes he gives her this silent look making her question whether she's made of glass. She knows that he knows about the blood she has on her hands. About the times men have cursed her with their last breath. About the times she has looked into eyes filled with hatred and fear while silencing them forever. He knows it all, but, even though he knows, he still refuses to treat her as any less than a woman.

He is the most infuriating man she has ever met.

Whenever he visits them - with his two employees in tow - she can't help being astonished by how comfortable he acts in her city. He is too smart not to notice the wounds left by Hosen nor the extra attention he receives as Savior of Yoshiwara manifested by longing looks. Yet that never holds him back from visiting them. A riddle, that is, the samurai.

Not to say that she isn't aware of the never-ending storms in his eyes. The times she has seen him enraged wakened up a part of her that she thought long dead. Unfamiliar feelings. Irrational desires. Making her want to touch his hand and tell him it will be okay. Being there for him when he doesn't know where to go to for comfort. Figuring out the past that haunts him and giving him something to look forward to while he's busy saving as many people as he can. The fool.

Only when he doesn't reduce her breasts to the same level as a Pachinko lever - accident, my ass! - that is.

Blowing smoke into his face and watching his angry pout is one of her favorite things in the entire world. Arguing with him to try getting under his skin before he gets under hers is a very amusing way to pass time. Being teased by annoying know-it-alls gets her off her guard like nothing else.

How he manages to storm through her walls every time he spouts nonsensical things makes her question her own sanity. And then - when her walls are down - instead of dismissing everything she ever was to the ground as insignificant he offers her the words that make her question why the walls were there in the first place. How does he _do_ that?

The promises he once made to her don't stop parading in her mind even though she desperately tries to forget them. He isn't one to break promises - she knows that - but that's the same every other woman in her city thought before their hope turned into despair. Besides, taking but not able to give isn't something she can accept. Greed is not in her nature.

She is sure that what he is to her and what she means to him isn't something that can be summarized with such a dangerously frightening term as love.

If she has to give a name for what she feels for him it will be gravity. He the earth and she the moon. Gravitating around him - never coming closer or moving farther. He stabilizes her existence but all she is to him are the tidal waves on his surface. Not his core. She is just one of the many rocks hovering around him in the dark while he keeps circling around an unknown star.

Neither he will accept such a timeless idea as romance. He connects but doesn't touch. He exists but doesn't move. He floats but doesn't fly. Never yielding to ghosts of the past but neither committing to dreams for the future.

The apathetic samurai is a lone wolf. A soothing lullaby. A remnant of dark days. Meant for all - not one.

Too many lives depend on his never-changing role in their universe.

She knows that in every fiber of her being. Nothing needs to change. Nothing shall change. And just like that she is another victim of his poisonous words. Of his deadly acts without regard for his own life. Of his rock-hard, never-changing, never-moving, steady existence.

Some things are never meant to be and he will never be someone for her.

* * *

 **A/N : **This story has been revised on 03-10-2016. After reflecting and re-reading I've come to believe the content will be stronger if I split up Tsukuyo's musings and the epilogue. It's your own choice whether you want this ending or the dialogue one.

Tsukuyo's musings supply to her whole presence in Gintama.


	2. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

* * *

"...yo. ...kuyo."

An echo resonates far away.

" ...ukuyo..."

 _Just answer_ , _someone_ , she thinks vaguely. The voice is distracting her.

"Tsukuyo!"

The woman looks up from her musings as she becomes aware of piercing maroon-brown eyes.

"Gintoki?"

The samurai sighs deeper than strictly necessary to convey his exasperated patience.

"Geez, woman. What's got you dreaming so out of character unaware of your surroundings?"

The sun has already gone under. She has been sitting longer on the porch than she intended to. While looking around she notices that Hinowa and Seita have already gone inside together with Shinpachi and Kagura.

"You're leaving?" she guesses.

"-and that's why woman are always self-abso-" he breaks off his uninteresting monologue about who-gives-a-dump to answer her question.

"That's exactly what I have been trying to tell you. It's late. My two brats are sleepy so Hinowa-san offered us to stay the night."

"Oh."

He stands up from his spot on the ground. But he doesn't go inside like she figured he would do. Instead he just stands still. After a few minutes he gives her a look.

"What?"

"Aren't you going to patrol tonight?"

"I am about to," she responds slowly. "I wasn't supposed to be here this long. Why?"

Silence.

"Gintoki?" she asks as he doesn't make any indication to leave. No answer.

She tries to hit him on the head, which is hard because he is standing and she is still sitting. Almost she loses her balance on the edge of the porch but then - victory!

"Ngnn! Was that necessary?!" he groans annoyed reaching for his head.

"Gintoki - you aren't going inside?"

Silence. Until,

"Thirty packets of strawberry milk."

"Huh?"

"Thirty packets of strawberry milk," he repeats.

"What about it?"

"I'll keep you company on your patrol if you pay me thirty packets of strawberry milk."

The planet has turned upside down. Maybe a black hole has consumed every little bit of sense that ever existed on earth. Though honestly - it never had much sense to begin with.

He strolls lazily to the exit of the garden. Unconcerned he looks at her. Again.

"You coming or not?"

Slowly, while making sure the sweet addict doesn't see, a tiny smile appears on her face no matter how hard she tries to keep her expression under control. She stands up.

"Yeah, slowpoke. Coming," she says trying to keep her tone under control as well. They leave the garden.

"Listen who's talking," he mutters.

"That's the wrong way, Gintoki," she comments and she watches how he turns around while trying to look unaffected by his lack of orientation - which makes it even harder to keep her expression under control.

"You better not take too long patrolling! Beauty sleep is a necessary part of life for innocent attractive and good-looking men, you know!"

"Innocent," she deadpans, which he pretends not to hear as she wonders which patrolling route to take this time.

"Not that something mundane as 'sleep' exists in your private dictionary considering your even-busier-than-Gorilla-sensei-trying-to-come-up-with-a-good-conclusion-for-Gintama busy schedule. You should be grateful that Gin-san is taking time off his busy schedule, ungrateful woman!"

" _Sleeping,_ schedule," she corrects, which he also pretends not to hear.

As she gestures to go left - which would be entirely unnecessary if he would let her walk up front - she makes a decision.

 _I guess it's been a while since I've taken the long route_ , she figures.

After a few minutes the samurai slows down at her pace.

"Tsukuyo?"

"Hmm?"

"I would have done it for ten."

Quietly she considers this. A few streets of comfortable silence later she answers.

"I would have gone to fifty."

This time she doesn't take the effort to hide her smile as he instantly starts to negotiate for more of his teeth-destroying addiction.

After all - wouldn't the nights on earth be dark if the moon never existed in the first place?

* * *

 **A/N : **The timeline is set a few years after the conclusion of Gintama, so that explains the slight difference in characters. I wrote this epilogue because I just couldn't let it end like that. The woman really underestimates herself (in my story, at least). Oh, I have absolutely no idea how the ratings system works. So I'll just go with... K+? Correct me if necessary.

Furthermore... actually, that's all. _Approving nod._ Yup _.  
_

I hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
